Registered: 1401686129 Posts: 3
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This entry will be too long, probably, but thank you for those who might pray. I've been married 22 years, and some of what I'm about to speak of goes back several years. We've fallen into a pretty steady cycle where my husband becomes angry and critical over my not being in sync with him sexually or otherwise. Sometimes he's angry about the way I look, and has refused to touch me for days. Or, feels angry or slighted if I've not kept things in best shape in home.
Some background: I believe at the heart of it all, my husband and I are just grossly incompatible sexually. Once we married I came to understand that he has strong appetites for bondage type sex....this was difficult for me, especially as he often cannot/will not respond to me unless I am the initiator, as well as the one that must dominate. He does not approach me for sex.
And, a few years ago he had 3 occasions where he paid women to provide sexual services.
My sex drive has never been as high has his, and this creates issues. I've been seeing a doctor for hormone therapy but it seems pretty ineffective. In fact, in the past few years I would say my drive has disappeared. And so, having to be the initiator, and one who must dominate, difficult for its own reasons, has multiplied in level of difficulty. I'm trying but he's not getting enough, and often doesn't feel the things I'm doing are what he needs/wants.
The other day he told me he hadn't been "with me" in his mind during sex for several years.
The other factor: over the past 2-3 years it's been revealed that he is bisexual. And now, the only way he can get excited is to dress as a woman. In fact, it's the only way we can have sex.
Today I went to church, for the first time in a year. We moved here about 5 years ago, and I work from my house...I don't have any friends or family in the area, and have been unsuccessful in finding a church family. So, after church, I went to find a special sex toy I thought he'd like, but when I came home he was angry because I hadn't made breakfast and hadn't been to the store yet. I had planned an afternoon for us that became a disaster because he felt I wasn't in sync with him.
And so, here we are, once again, spending the rest of our weekend in misery and despair. It's an oppressive cycle. Over the past year I've gained 15 pounds (now at 145@ 5'5"), and think that I've developed a drinking habit. I started a new job a year ago that is very stressful and requires long days. It's a job that god provided, as the area to which we moved doesn't have many opportunities for someone in my profession.
I am a believer in Christ...and have prayed so much over the years about thee issues I've seriously began to think the best recourse for us is divorce. I love my husband, but fear that I am sentenced to this despair for life. The more my husband resents me, the less I want to be with him.
Is there life after divorce?
I've prayed for wisdom, and that he would help me to cross paths with someone I could speak to about these things that I can trust. I dare say nothing to family or friends.
Please let me know if anyone has thoughts on this, and, your prayers are highly regarded. God bless each of you.
Registered: 1367268989 Posts: 2
Reply with quote #2
I'm praying for you today friend. There's an awesome ministry called Focus on the Family. They have free counseling available for people in your situation that just don't know what to do. You might consider giving them a call. That number is 1-800-A-FAMILY.
Blessings to you!
Registered: 1401686129 Posts: 3
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Thank you, ecotime47