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I honestly do not know if I am developing cold love. We live in a rural community with few churches. It is a Mormon community sandwiched between two first-nation tribes. It's a spiritually difficult place. The situation is that there are primarily five churches in the area that we know about.

1. Church one. It has issues, but we believe they are our brethren. It just isn't our kind of place as they have displayed serious disorder in the past.

2. Church two. We stopped going when it was preached from the pulpit that God, being sovereign, does evil, too. They have a new pastor, but they seem too hyper-Calvinist for us.
3. Church three. We stopped going when the pastor invited in a wolf who ravaged the flock. The pastor finally got the point--not after about 2/3 of his congregation ran but when allegedly the wolf tried to get rid of HIM. But to my knowledge there has been no effort to apologize to those who were devastated. (I can forgive and love this pastor. But I don't see how I could ever trust him.)
4. Church four. We stopped going when we learned that the leader believed that I was in sin because other women and I talked during the service--saying things during the sharing time or saying prayers, etc. He believed that women are to be wholly silent in the church. But nothing was said because they believed the Lord would convict us in time. When hubby did a study and presented his findings on women using their gifts in the Church, to make a long story short, he was labeled a false teacher.
5. Church five. We stopped going when the leader announced that the Book of Enoch was Scripture. His son proceeded to say that Enoch had sent an angel to teach Christians how to live in the last days. They had been already spouting government conspiracy theories and anti-America stuff, but this was the last straw. When I rebuked the leader and the son, it got really hot. Hubby took them on via email, but they refused to back down. And the leader proceeded to post something applauding the Gospel according to Thomas, as well.

Well, we've run through the known churches. And hubby wants to continue to meet with these people monthly in the monthly prayer meeting for the city. But I don't see the point. I can forgive. I can CHOOSE to forgive. I grieve. But I don't want anything to do with these people. I see no way forward unless they change. And I don't know if any of them will. Hubby thinks we need to keep trying. And I feel like meeting with them is saying that there is some common ground and unity upon which we can build. I don't see anything upon which to build except shifting sand. Every time I've tried to compromise to get along with messed-up Christians or "Christians," it has ended badly. So, I need HELP. I feel condemned right now because nothing in my life is going right. Even our own son won't have anything to do with us. He won't let us even talk to our grandchildren. And to my knowledge we have done nothing wrong. So, prayers please. I'd love to go for some good Christian counseling, but I sure don't know anyone in this area I would begin to trust... PS I don't mind meeting with the first two churches for prayer although they are not a comfortable place to fellowship. But I really don't care to be around the people in the last three churches. And they are primarily the ones involved.

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